I'm working on it.

Seems like the impossible task. The one thing that I can't do. Everything.

The logical me that I want to be:
Of course it's impossible. Nobody can do everything. Nobody can finish everything. Besides, what would you do then? When everything was finished? Relax? Why not relax now? Make it part of your day - your schedule. You know, include some downtime amid the moments you dedicate to trying unsuccessfully to be everything you think makes life perfect. After all, you know there's no such thing as perfect here.

Things are much better than 2 months ago. They are. Really. You're making progress everywhere - look at your living room. Look at your bedroom. The bathrooms are both relatively clean - not just clean, but disinfected. You've started to communicate some of the stuff you've been hiding for awhile. And, you learned how to operate the lawn mower. This is big stuff. This is good.

Stop worrying so much, and stop believing that you can finish everything on your growing list this second. That is not how life works.

The me that I am:
Sure, that's easy. That's the cop out, isn't it? "Nobody is perfect."

Of course - nobody is perfect. But lots of people have organized homes. Lots of people don't worry all the time about what's for dinner because they already know. They've taken care of it. They're on top of things.

They're wives with great marriages and happy husbands, they're mothers with happy, well cared for children on great sleep schedules, they're friends who have lunch and send cards and work out and have people over for dinner and go to church and take classes and have their hair and nails done and are happy.

Oh. And employed. They're making money for their families. For themselves.

And you? You are sitting here posting some emotional crap on a blog nobody reads while you should be finishing up any of the five hundred things you've already fallen behind on today. Plus, that relaxing stuff? Haven't you been resting long enough? Haven't you fixed yourself by now?

Dear Self,
I just want to take a moment to send you this note of congratulations. Today, you took some big steps. You confronted multiple fears, and faced the challenges with bravery, honor and only one scream. I am proud of you.

It takes great courage to march into the darkness, and you did it.

Hooray! Hooray for you!

Love and kisses,
Me

PS. I always knew you could do it!

go now?

Hurricanes seem to be increasing in number around here these days. Guess there must be some kinda miracle grow in the Atlantic this year. It's a bit worrisome.

Bigger than the worry right now is the confusion. One day we're going to get smacked, the next day it's Charleston. One minute it's a category 1, the next it's a tropical depression. I realize that the wind speeds separation is you know, small, but the flood probability is quite a difference. Will we flood? Won't we? Will we evacuate? Won't we?

Should we evacuate? Should we wait a little longer? How long is too long? And how on earth will this work with a cat in the car?

And then suddenly, we're joined by two more indecisive storms . . . although Ike sure looks certain about his strength. The feeling is that it's time to make plans to go. Nobody here wants to chill during a category 4.

On the upside of things, there's a strong possibility that we'll finally be getting that new furniture we've been wanting!