Showing posts with label babyhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babyhood. Show all posts

Sleepless.

My sweet, totally precious little baby girl will not sleep. It seems to me as if there was a time when she did sleep. But I could be making that up. I mean, it's been so long since I slept like a regular person, I'm sometimes not sure what I'm remembering and what is wishful, wishful day-dreaming.

This moment, the smallest person in our family is lying flat on her face in her crib screaming the way I'd imagine I myself might scream if someone was trying to cut off my leg. She has been screaming like this for the last twenty-two minutes, save a brief respite during which I stupidly entered her room to make sure she wasn't stuck in the crib bars or that the ceiling hadn't fallen in on her or or that a giant sheepdog hadn't broken in through her window or that some other catastrophic even hadn't taken place while I was making the afternoon coffee that I need to stay awake for the rest of the day. It's a need, by the way, driven by last night's {this morning's} "feed-me-mama-I-need-you-party" that began sometime around 3 a.m. and lasted through until roughly seven-thirty. And what time did that sweet little bundle go to sleep you might ask? Just about eleven o'clock.

Right. She went to sleep at eleven, and slept until three. I think. Her Daddy might have walked her somewhere in the three hours between midnight (which is when we crawled in bed) and her waking, but I really don't have any memory of what happened then. I'd say I slept, but I think it was more of a passing out from sheer exhaustion kind of thing.

Today, she's had an hour long scream-fest in her crib - that's the time that's supposed to be her morning nap - and now, she's been in that bed for nearly an hour screaming again. I can't begin to calculate her sleep deficit, and she's only ten months old.

I know she's tired. And I know that she needs sleep to be a happy baby. And I - we- have tried everything we know how to try to help her go to sleep and stay asleep. This letting her cry thing is excruciating, and yet I fear that if we relent, we will end up with a baby who will only sleep if she's comfortably ensconced in our arms or leisurely suckling and snuggling in our bed.

As I finish this post, it is 4:40 p.m. EST. I put her in her bed exactly one hour and one minute ago. She just now stopped crying.

I think now it's my turn to start. Because I hear the sound of a Chinook. And it's gonna fly right over the top of our house.




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Just thankful.

Amid what seems to be one of those 'terrible, horrible, no good, very bad' days, when everything that could be a wreck actually is a wreck, the sound of a big sister working so hard to make a little sister laugh, and the successive sound of that little sister laughing at her big sister's efforts is a much needed gift.


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TIL: Skip*Hop

This could've been a post about my failed, "too-cool-for-east-coast-sense-we're-from-cali-y'all" diaper bag purchase. And maybe one day I will post about that ... I do after all, have a tag for things I hate. But in a springtime fueled effort to focus on the positive, I thought I could rave for a bit about something I love. And the latest in the long (yet somehow not nearly touted enough) list of those things is my brand new, finally got it right, Skip*Hop diaper bag.

The shortest version of the Diaper Bag Tragedy (yeah, it needs its own post) is that since the birth of child the first, I have purchased and/or used a large assortment of diaper bags. There was the cool Dad-bag I got for Scott, and the black working-mom bag I got for myself. Then there was the little back-pack bag, and the insulated charcoal colored bag and the black and white flowered bag that almost worked well, the monkey bag, the regular backpack (which actually does work well when we're doing some kind of family outing in the great out-of-doors) and finally, amid a mix of other random bags, the one I bought shortly after the birth of child the second, which began to fall apart not quite six months after her arrival.

Fed up, and I do mean fed up, I decided to really do some research, go on actual store excursions, touch, feel and generally pull on some bags, and then spend a nice chunk of change on a new, and hopefully long lasting diaper bag. So I did. I visited the only 3 baby stores in the city, two of them high end baby boutiques and the third a baby-super-store of national fame. I pulled on bags, carried them, reached into them, tried them on my stroller. All of this, mind you, with a seemingly always needing to be nursed 7 month old and my suddenly very into everything 4 year old. I endured the stares of the sophisticated sales ladies in boutique number one, (I mean come on, I'm a mother ... of course I have spit up on my shoulder and running shoes on my feet ... do all the moms in your store dress in silk and heels? ... um, yeah, that's an altogether different post), and the toy traps of the big-box kids store and finally made it to the third boutique, which alas, only had three bags in the entire store. Nearing exhaustion, I headed to Target, one last hopeful stop to try and find the bag of my dreams. And yet, I found nothing there that was any better or more affordable than the higher-end bags I found at the fancy mother's boutique.

I'll not bore you with any more of the details. Besides, those are for another post. Suffice it to say that I finally, after a few online missteps and one now nonreturnable bag, found the very same bag I loved at the "we-are-so-better-than-you-baby-boutique" for thirty dollars less (and free two day shipping!!!) than the ninety-eight dollar price I would have paid had I purchased it from the obviously child-free sales girl.

This bag is ahhhhh-mazing. It is cute without being cutesy, big without being a suitcase and organized without inflexibility (I hate those pockets that can only be used for one kind of item ...). It has an antimicrobial pocket ... you know, for poopie diapers and clothes. It has awesome hardware including built in stroller straps, super quiet magnetic closures, seven inside pockets big enough for diapers, wipes, clothes, whatever you need, and this awesome pocket for my Incredible right on the front. I LOVE this bag. I LOVE it. And it is worth the whole awfulness of what I had to go through to get it in my life. Especially because it makes my life so much easier.

I always know what needs restocking (diapers/wipes) because I can see what's there easily. I always know where my keys are. This bag even has a special snap that lets you tuck things like blankets or toddler jackets or stuffed animals underneath it for an extra quick carrying capacity. It has pockets perfect for moms: I know where my personal stuff is and don't have to go digging around looking through a million zip lock bags to find my Blistex (another TIL). It is comfortable to carry, holds my Bible and my laptop, and I think, I think I might actually be able to fit the baby in there if I had to. Did I mention I LOVE this bag? Because I do. Along with my running shoes, my charcoal wool coat and the lipstick I got for my birthday, this bag is one of the best things I've ever owned.

What bag did I get? I got this one. Mine is the pewter dot. I also loved the charcoal. If you like it, too, you can get one at the Skip*Hop site. You can also get yours where I got mine, and though the great deal is a little less great than it was, you can still get two of the color options for right around seventy dollars which is a total steal for the peace of mind this bag will bring to your baby-totin' life.



Got a bag you love?? I'd love to know about it ...

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Oh.

I.am.so.tired.

Today was one of those days ... the kind of day that there's no way to pretend your way through ... the kind of day you just have to push hard against ... kind of like kicking your way back to the surface of a fast flowing river after a sharp and unexpected plunge to the bottom.

The lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I think I sense it most in my apathy toward the number of cupcakes I'm eating in one day and in my inability to find a pair of matching socks.

Child-the-first is bearing up well. She has a few dark circles, but really, I'm amazed at how well she functions on so little sleep. Today, while she did stay in her bed during afternoon quiet time, she didn't sleep one wink. In fact, she confessed to her sweet papa that she 'read the whole time'.

Child-the-second is bearing up, but I think today's shriek-fest proved the bearing is definitely not in the upward direction. I don't know if I've ever heard a baby scream so loudly for such a long time with no breaks. And it's not like I haven't been around colicky babies before.

Husband-the-hero arrived home in the nick ... and somehow, God bless him, he managed a trip to the store with both girls, (yeah, for more cupcakes ... and rust-free beer), during which the younger fille made not one peep. In fact, le bebe deuxième was asleep when he returned. Hero-daddy is currently reading to both of them in another room to give me a continued break.

As bedtime nears, my prayer is that both of these tiny persons will fall asleep quickly and deeply and stay that way until well past sunrise. I'm old and not used to this kind of night time party anymore, and frankly, the cupcake-crutches I'm depending on are starting to add up ...

Pressing on.

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Please let me never

forget the sight of my beautiful daughter, smiling, laughing, dancing to her favorite songs. Tiny toes, bare legs in her diaper, and her floaty, flannel, ruffled jammie top swinging out around her small body as she twirls, hands high, fingers spread around and around and across our living room floor.

No matter what, I want this moment for mine, for always. I never want to forget her face, her eyes, bright and happy, shining and laughing on their own. I never want to forget the wonder of her smile and the joy, really, the absolute joy in each of her deliberately placed steps.

This moment, these minutes, they are full, full, full. My heart is warm from them and from her.

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