I'm working on it.

That's where I am right now, this instant, 4 weeks and after the birth of my second baby girl: I am in the swing.

I've passed the starting point, I think I can see the place I'd like to finish, and I'm moving (slowly-quickly-slowly) toward the end. But I'm definitely not there - not even close to breaking the line that marks the half-way point.

Life is good. And harder. And better. And more frightening than before. Just adding that one extra body, albeit a teeny-tiny one, to the mix has made such a huge difference to each second of waking consciousness.

I'm not sure where the balance point is from moment to moment, so things - sleep, dinner, showers, playtime, bedtime, breakfast, dressing, teeth-brushing, everything really - feel as though they are continually shifting.

The few constants are the 5:10 entry of my husband, the daily afternoon discussion about naptime with my three year old, the sure-to-wake-said-three-year-old-screams of my month old (which occur almost exactly to the second the elder daughter falls asleep) and the growing pain in my back and ribs that seems to get worse no matter what remedies I try.

Everything else is just hanging, moving, flowing, falling, jumping around somewhere in between the start and the finish.

Did I mention it's harder? Better? It is. Both. I'm trying to 'lean in to the chaos' ... a piece of advice that I think I'm beginning to get.

Here goes.